I'm finally realizing that my faire-world has moved on. People I adore are catching on to friends that I've never met, barely seen, and I'm horribly disappointed. Especially because these are people whose judgements I respect, or at least who like people I generally like, and now they have people that I don't know and would like to know -- but I'm not there any more. I'm not a rennie any more, not really. I don't hang out, I barely see these folks any more, it's like I took the other road - I can see through the screen of trees, but I'm not actually *there*. I adore them all but they've almost stopped being real. This particular round of whining brought to you courtesy of a post from gyac which led me to look up stvitus and realize that not only do I (I'm pretty sure) know who she is, but now I have to totally revamp my initial impression of her -- I mean, yeah, she's not at all hard to look at, and the tattoo is freakin' awesome, but I allowed myself the luxury of applying a stereotype because, you know, I didn't need to know who *she* was. (I'm hoping that anyone reading this knows me well enough to realize that I'm lazy and shy, not bigotted. My stereotypes are a good bit more flexible than expected, and frankly they're for my internal use only. But yes, they're still rampant generalizations based on easily observable characteristics.). But now, since it *is* all about Who you know - and there are an awful lot of familiar names on friends lists and in posts - I've had to reevaluate a couple different perceptions all at once. And again, in a way, the biggest disappointment for me is that I just don't have - or allow - the same opportunities to get the real scoop on a potential cool person that I once had. Because I don't have or allow the opportunity to be with the people that form the connection. Boo for me. Because I'm lazy, and because I walked a little way in another direction, for good, ill or indifference. And now I'm just wallowing. Shutting up (because I'm annoying the crap out of myself now).
I'm still reconstituting my thoughts from this weekend. More proof of the tiny world, much more self-affirming, and way too much different to be tied to this tripe. It'll still be too introspective and squishy, but at least it won't be *this*. Heh :)