Jesslin She'Nedra (jesslin) wrote,
Jesslin She'Nedra
jesslin

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What's it called when...?

This is  actually a past pondering.  I've waited because I wanted the situation that prompted this thought to be well past, to the point where sympathy and concern, while appreciated, would be completely inappropriate and unnecessary.  But I was wondering...  is there a specific term for not caring to be alive?  It's beyond 'apathy', but it's not the active desire to die, or to take your own life, so 'suicidal' is too far, and 'having a death-wish' is just *too* dramatic.  What do you call it when you'd just as soon be dead, thanks all the same, because being alive is utterly useless and stupid?  Maybe there isn't one, but it seems like there should be.

Bear in mind, this is a question raised by a passing moment of screwed up brain chemistry.  I'll never deny that in the past I have been a depressed personality with tendencies toward self-destructive behavior, and not an ounce of trained therapy has been had to 'fix' that.  But I think I can safely say there's no real danger any more.  One day (okay, day-and-a-half) in a thousand?  And active, conscious recognition that it's happening and not to be over-indulged? Yeah, I think I'm good :) Although I have realized I'm feeling a greater disconnect from the universe at large in the past several weeks, which isn't unusual during the winter, but I need to keep an eye on it.  

Heh.  Go me.
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