Jesslin She'Nedra (jesslin) wrote,
Jesslin She'Nedra

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what fills the empty spaces

There's a lot in the blank spot between posts. I'd have to say it was all made of epic fail this time, unfortunately, particularly last week. Nothing made it to LJ, as most of my issues were worked out in long rambling talks with myself, for which I can thank the mile+ walk to the morning train - passing cars can't tell that the crazy lady is talking to herself, and suburbanites are otherwise too lazy to walk the walks, so I'm safe to be my own therapist (healer, heal thyself...) Some fail = mine, some fail = others (and mostly entwined with mine), some fail = fate with a lousy sense of timing, or perhaps caused by fail #2. At least one fail that's added itself to my personal scourge of stupidity, the one that gets pulled out and caressed like a sharpened bone knife when I don't feel *quite* bad enough about being such a screw-up. ::rolls eyes:: Drama princess...

One of the fallouts from the morning 'therapy' sessions has been that I've drawn my attention to some personality changes I hadn't actively noted. I'm still workign on the good/bad/indifferent aspects of these changes, if they even exist. At some point in the near future I'll have to see if corrective measures are needed. The tricky bit is always identifying which changes are justified and which should be reversed if possible. The filter of 'I'm always wrong' is thick and hard to ignore, regardless of how invalid it may be. I'm not worried about fixing it today, though, and it's nothing that's (big air quotes here) "life threatening". I just want to figure out where I stand with myself before it *does* become a cruciality. Proactive, not reactive - not something I'm good at, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't try.
Tags: angst, random thoughts, signposts

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